Those are stills from Swimfan and Flags Of Our Fathers, and he’s probably the only reason I’ll ever watch those movies.

Jesse Bradford, from Swimfan and Bring It On! (the first one) and Flags of Our Fathers but I haven’t seen that one…………..through sickness and in health baby!

Ya viajé a Las Islas Filipinas casi 10 años pasados, ahora creo que ya es tiempo para volver y visitar mis parientes.  Tambien quiero viajar a España, quizas yo podría aprender mas de mi cultura.  Siempre escucho a personas que argumentan que los españoles abusaban a los filipinos y la idioma no pertenece a las islas.  Tambien todos argumentan que si los filipinos son “islanders” o son chinos o latinos.  A mi no me importa las politicas de la situacion. 

Ok, so we just ordered pay per view to watch the Pacquiao vs. Marquez fight and its probably not going to start for another 2 hours or so.  I’m totally rooting for Pacquiao since I truly honestly believe that he’s the only talent to come from las Filipinas in most recent times.  I say las filipinas because its easier to type than PHILIPPINES.  Where does that come from?  Isn’t the whole PH sound thing come from Greek, which I guess English uses?  Ok so anyway, I got to thinking about how I’ve heard people debate about whether Filipinos are asain, pacific islanders, latinos, espanoles. OMG who gives an eff?  Seriously, people really do waste their time debating whether Spanish should become the official language again, and then they go on about colonization, spanish surnames, chavacanos, and every latin american country, and then on and on about the abuse of the Spanish empire and la dee fricken da.  It’s like there’s no middle ground with Filipino culture, yet somehow people still find an agenda.  They hate on the whole Spanish colonization, when the very name they call themselves- Filipino is spanish!  Like really, ” I’m proud to be pilipino, epp dee spanish” should be an oxymoron.  Oh yeah, and Jose Rizal-I mean Dr. José Protasio Rizal-Mercado y Alonso-Realonda  wrote everything in Spanish and Tagalog, and his entire entourage was guys named ‘Emilio hernandez fernandez martinez marquez guiterres lopez mariano humberto roberto alejandro diaz martez reyes rios ljsfoaiwroisjf’. 

Ok, so basically I have no idea what to say when I say I’m filipino, because its seems so watered down to me, and filipino culture is so effing ethnocentristic when their entire culture is based off of 237394823094234 other cultures. 

But pretty much, I don’t give an EFF about who raped who and this and that.  The culture I know now is a whole combination of 2394723904 other cultures, and its about time everyone quit dividing themselves because of this race or that race and blah blah blah.  I wanna go to Spain so I can practice speaking more spanish because I live in effing southern california and I need to know how to talk with pretty much everyone, and I want to learn Portuguese because I wanna be able to talk to people who speak portuguese, and I want to learn french so I can speak to people who speak french, and I want to learn farsi so I can talk to my afghan family, yeah I want to learn all these languages so that I don’t become disconnected with the WORLD, el mundo!  People, quit arguing over which people is better, because you’re just creating more division in the one race that truly matters, THE HUMAN RACE.  Viva vida.

OMG I love everyone of every color of every heritage- ok well maybe not the Russians, HAHAHAHAHAHHAAH ok ok ok no really peace and love.

 ”I’m off from work tomorrow, and so is my best friend! So we’re going to have a hang out sesh! Woooooooohooo. I mean..yeah it’s not like we don’t do that on a daily basis but lately she’s been having to wake up at 5 am for her stupid piece of shit job and so she would like pass out in a ball at 10 pm and I’m like really? I honestly LOVE my best friend more than I love…food. Now you KNOW that’s a lot of love. I would cut my big toe off and feed it to her if she was starving. Anyways. I just thought I would post about my utter sense of joy at the moment. “

Yup, that’s my homegirl, MJ aka Shabs.  Oy, my job doesn’t suck that much!  I’m actually starting to like it!  I’m so glad, ok GLAD- don’t want to get assassinated, for not going into the Air Force for the sheer (why sheer? IDK) fact that I wouldn’t be able to go to work and come home and sleep and then go mountain biking then eat food and be on this ginormous amazing computer that is SUPERIORLY mother effing blinding me, its so effing bright and then blogging and then hanging wif my homies. 

But just so you know, MJ wouldn’t cut off her big toe and feed it to me if I was starving—she’d cut it off and sew it onto my big toe to try and make me taller.  Cheers!

Dang, she looks like a Persiarican. (A girl who looks like she’s either Persian or Puerto Rican and you’re just like ” uhh, excuse me?”). 

My Mom can do the crackhead shimmy.  Just like Amy Winehouse.  Das my girl right there, I don’t care how effed up she is.  Well I do, she’s gotta get well, but yadiddamean.  But yeah, my Mom dances just like that.  And she’s always danced like that, so don’t nobody try to say that she copied off Amy Winehouse.  It’s a natural dance move, my Mom was probably born doing the crackhead shimmy-on a farm.  Same goes for Amy, she was probably born doing the crackshim, the dance and the dust.  Ok ok maybe not the drugs but close enough.  Oh whatever, I love Amy Winehouse and I don’t care what any other pinche wankers say or think!

Watch my homegirl [Amy Winehouse] break it down.

MJ and I are hanging out tomorrow!

No, that is not Christina Aguilera’s baby.

Hello all of my non-existent readers!  I may as well be schizophrenic because I’m pretty much talking to myselfff.  Oh well, MJ this one goes out to you!

I just got done looking at Perez Hilton’s blog, and I realize how much I don’t like him and how much more I like Michael K from Dlisted.  I think because Perez got all of this attention from the big media guys, he has had to tone it down and he’s not as funny.  SELL OUT!….because I know him personally and this is Hollywood High School.  Yes, I made that up, there is no real Hollywood High School-no wait maybe there is, but seriously that whole celebrity thing is like high school, except people have more money, drugs, sex tapes, etc–> but all in all its just straight up DRAMA!  Oh but back to Perez, I don’t think he’s funny.  I think he tries too hard to be flaming gay and narcissistic-uh I don’t know how to spell that word.  His hatred and gayness just aren’t legit to me.  Now Michael K, that’s legit!  So pretty much Dlisted is better and Perez needs a new wardrobe because I think he’s far past being unique, kbye!

Not really kbye, just kbye on that thought.  So my majah and fajah bought a new computer with this ginormous flat screen monitor and wireless keyboard and mouse and la dee daa.  I know what you’re all thinking-and by you’re all I mean you MJ.  “Welcome back from the Dark Ages of Technology kim!”…our computer was like 5 years old and I guess I’m supposed to keep up with the times and such and buy new crap every 2 years or something-not really but I’m sure people are like that…..I bet you’re like ” but kim…EVERYBODY is like that”.  So then eff my life!  But yeah my wordpress post screen is like 2 feet wide, holla.

Vegas was tight like a tiger-no not that tiger.  I saw my fam-blee and yeah that was it…………………………………..and there you have it, another example of my MAGNIFICENT LIFE!

P.S.  They’re trying to have salvia become illegal- I don’t smoke weed but honestly?  Why don’t we make fraternities and sororities illegal because they’re pretty much useless!  We can at least keep the bloods and the crips because they do something productive-which is kill innocent people!  Why do the whores always have to live?!  Ok bye for real.

EFF look how skinny no really, SKINNY Perez was!  So skinny that I wish I could have a narrow font to emphasize his delgadoness!

Can I just say: ” Mario Lavandeira- what the EFF happened to you?”  Pobrecito.  Pobre-mothereffing-cito.

Alright, so I’m going to blog for the sake of blogging.  Oh and I’m listening to Tool, hence the title “Parabo——-——EFF MY LITTLE SISTER JUST GOT A BRAND NEW MOTHEREFFING IPOD…..ok so back to business.  Yes, hence the title “Parabol”, but don’t panic, according to my cousin I am a THUG.  I know every lyric to Ludacris’ “Ho” song and “Phat Rabbit”.  I personally believe that Ludacris’ music is somewhat underrated and his first album “Back For the First Time” is probably his best album so far, it was released at the end of an era where good hip hop/rap actually existed.  Every radio station plays that ‘boots with the fur’ song and the ‘cyclone’ one and all those other ones that sound the same over and over again.  Wait, how could I forget Souljah Boy‘s ” Yaaa Trick Yaaa!”, a beautiful peice of music mastery….NOT!  Seriously, the concept of music has been completely abused.  BTW the video for Tool’s “Schism” is kind of disturbing, as well as the “Goddess Bunny” video-hey maybe they casted Goddess Bunny in their video!

So Yessica and I went to Santa Rosa’s Plateau and “hiked” like 6 miles and we desperately needed some mountain bikes.  We talked about the prison system.  I learned in sociology (go Tanya Kravatz!) that most prisons are privatized, so I could easily own a prison!  I just need a lot of money and a contract with the government!  Once I get my prison built I will imprison as many people as I can and do nothing to rehabilitate them so that when they’re released they return to my facility and contribute to overcrowding, and then with all those prisoners I’ll make them work as customer service representatives for Victoria’s Secret.  I believe this is called “outsourcing”.  Hallelujah for a fabulous college professor.  And by fabulous I mean ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS sweety dahling!  Oh, and since the violent crime rate has actually decreased I will continue to increase the amount of people in prison by punishing them for stealing cars and selling weed.  And what I will do is give a life sentence for stealing Bill Gate’s escalade, in addition all the pedophiles, rapists, and murderers can get a life sentence BUT be paroled after 6 years!  Sound good?  We really are our own worst enemy.

Alright so that was my day pretty much, I have to be up less than 7 hours for the spectactular car ride to Las Vegas, yayas!

These are example before and after pictures of my cousins eyebrows…EFF her computer is so effing slow it took me like 20 minutes to do this blog and now shes offering to make me a freaking PEPPERONI sandwich.  Naw we just need to leave statarooni.

Ok, so the point of me being up blogging still is that I wanted to talk about Lindsay Lohans little sister, Ali Lohan.  Yeah yeah I already talked about the celebrity gossip sites and yadda yadda but HONESTLY?!  Homegirl is trippin’, she talks in Teen Vogue about how she wants to be like her sister:

“I grew up watching Lindsay, and it made me want to do what she does. Just the whole vibe. Being there, being on camera, or onstage, with everybody listening to you…it’s so cool when people look up to you. I’ve already been asked for my autograph, and it’s just a really good feeling to have.”

Umm, is she mistaking her sister for MOTHER TERESA? I’m sure she’s been asked for her autograph, and people probably say “what’s it like with a crackhead/’firecrotch’ for a sister?” ahh I feel bad now.  She might get Ashlee Simpson syndrome, which is hate your life for living in your sister’s shadow OR she might go the Jamie Lynn Spears route, who knows.  Ali-I found out her real name is ALIANA, stick to putting out one crappy Christmas song at the once-every-two-years-rate! I swear when I worked at Macy’s in ’06 they were playing her Christmas song, then when I came back this past December they played the SAME song. 

WWLD?  What would Lindsay do?  Well, whatever God bless them all and rest in peace ‘lil gma Teresa!

Apparently Reno isn’t just outside of Las Vegas, it’s like 500 miles away from there.  I even went on mapquest to double  check…wow, but no one said anything so maybe most people think that Reno is really close to Vegas [?]…crap I knew that Lake Tahoe couldn’t be that freaking close!

In other news….HALLELUJAH!  There’s HOPE for me!  A Newsweek web exclusive explains that “some short women have a gene linked to longevity.” So basically, I’m going to live longer than Shaq because I’m short, holla!

The article was actually really boring, so boring that I didn’t even read it but here, you can read it!

http://www.newsweek.com/id/119771?GT1=43002